While experiencing unrequited love might make you feel like you’re in a romance novel, the truth is, these feelings can be more accurately described as intense longing or obsession. Even if you think you know everything there is to know about them, you might actually not know them as well as you need to to really fall in love. Why? Because they might not have opened up to you the same way they’d open up to someone they were in love with too. (Which doesn’t make the situation hurt any less. It’s painful! We get it.)
“When love is mutual, there’s balance, give and take, shared intimacy, trust, mutual transparency (meaning a lack of secrecy), and commitment that grows over time,” explains Vermani.
Many people experience unrequited love at some point in their lives—usually in adolescence—when they’re figuring themselves out and discovering what traits they value in a potential partner. So in general, unrequited love isn’t inherently bad, but it becomes unhealthy when it’s left unchecked, impedes your well-being, or becomes a pattern.
“Being in a one-sided relationship may lead to further feelings of rejection and increased anxiety,” Stockard says. By staying in the fantasy, you’re limiting your ability to have a happy, healthy, and genuine relationship. Not only can this make it easier for you to miss out on a true connection, but it can also intensify, leading to more serious, unhealthy levels of obsession. “Unrequited love can be dangerous when a person takes their love to a level such as stalking, manipulation, or other dangerous forms of obsession,” she adds.
If your feelings for someone aren’t causing you or them harm, and you’re not concerned about whether they love you back, there’s less reason for concern. It’s perfectly possible to simply care for someone from afar and wish them the best without those emotions negatively affecting anyone’s well-being and ability to have healthy relationships.
Source: Cosmopolitan
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